Light for the next step is meaning a lot to me right now. It's requiring patience and faith from me. Here is the start of 2010, the year I graduate and must take the next step of faith in the course of my life. Granted there is plenty to enjoy before that-the last semester of college, the times with friends, adventures-but there is always lingering in my mind the question of where I will journey after this.

My dreams are endless or as Owl City puts it, "bursting at the seams." I believe that living a life in God's will means living extraordinary. Not necessarily in the sense of extravagant or even recognizable, but something outside of ourselves and outside of anything we could accomplish on our own. It is incredible to think I don't have to limit myself to my own abilities, but walking with God opens doors to things I can't even imagine. That is exciting, but it's also quite frightening. It's strange to think that my life's purpose could lie in something I have not even pondered before.

I am pursuing the next steps the best I can. I have went through an interview process for Teach For America. I have hopes of getting a job with TFA and having the opportunity to teach in a low-income setting. It just seems to encompass so many opportunities to empower others-to reach out to children who need encouragement, and to challenge myself to grow at the same time.

Empowering others is the only direction I feel very affirmed in so far. I feel a call to use everything I receive in life to encourage and empower others to excel. I feel called to be humble, to be a resource, and to show others the abilities they have within themselves and with the Lord. I just keep praying God will continue to pave my way and make it known to me. Though I sometimes pray for immediate direction, I know God doesn't work that way, and hey, it wouldn't be as exciting if He did. Therefore, I'm trying to embrace this time of uncertainty and all it has to offer for me.

In the latest MVNU NOW magazine, I was privileged with the opportunity to write about my time in Kenya. That, along with the many pictures I have received as gifts and the opportunities to continue sharing my story has put Kenya on my heart so much lately. I don't think a day goes by without my heart being drawn to it. I long to find what purpose that has in my life. I admire the African life in many ways, and I see many ways in which the poverty leaves room for a lot of work that still needs to be done. I believe God will keep this in my heart throughout my life-whether that means I will return there to work with building leadership within the villages, or whether that means I work to raise awareness or work hard to have the means to provide for an orphanage or something of the like....I don't know, but I am filled with ideas and dreams.

Reading through The Last Lecture this past week, I have felt enabled by my dreams. So often we write them off as distant and unobtainable, but I have allowed myself to challenge that idea. I have always dreamed of helping people, of living a life worth telling a story of and of experiencing the world. I'm not letting go of those dreams, but have learned that sometimes they are shaped in ways that do not fit the box I once made for them. That is our God- He is surprising and above our thoughts, and that is so admirable.

On New Years' Eve I spent hours until 6:30 am dialoguing with friends. There is much to be said about the wisdom and experiences we are able to share with one another. We worked through the idea of faith, the fact that we will never KNOW all the answers to the mystery of God, and the importance of evaluating just why we believe what we do. After all, if we are modeling our lives after something, we better be putting our intelligence and heart into that. It is refreshing to know that I have the ability to doubt, to step back and question things, and to come from that more and more amazed by my Savior. Truth is, I believe because I have seen glimpses of hope in the midst of despair. I know that humans are so flawed. I know that without a God, there is little hope. I know that there IS hope and I can be apart of that only because I have the love and strength of a Father who has enabled me. This hope is why I believe I can pursue my dreams, I can dream big, and I can know that God has instilled these dreams in me so that I can work towards serving Him in the gifts and abilities He has given me. I am determining to not put my dreams in a box, but to work hard and see the hand of God and the hope he provides in ways that I would never expect.

Hello from Kenangop, Kenya!

I am here! I arrived on Wednesday afternoon to a beautiful village. Tuesday night I flew in to Nairobi and stayed at a woman's house and then went the next morning to exchange some money and come out to the orphanage!

I have seen so many things in such a short amount of time! I have seen the city, the villages, and the mountain range. This is a beautiful land!

It has not taken long to fall in love with these children...there are 5 younger children who are home for the most part of the day, and the older kids who go to school until evening. We have spent a lot of time playing with the younger kids...they love to climb, rub our white skin, and play with our hair! The have the cutest laughs you could ever imagine, and their smiles melt my heart in an instant! This morning I got out some finger puppets that Deb (nate's mom) got for them...they loved trying to make the animal noises (which mostly just turned into growls!)

The older kids love to make up stories and grab our feet under the table when we are supposed to be eating dinner! They have lots of questions and we help them with their homework as much as we can...and then they try to have us read Swahili, and they get quite a kick out of that!

The staff here have been very helpful and hospitable. We are well taken care of and safe!
It has certainly been interesting being the definite minority. When we walk the younger kids to school, or drive to pick up the older ones, we get many looks and most people wave and are friendly. Many kids will just stop and look at u s, though, because we are such an unusual site for them! It is neat to think about how God made us all...and we all have our individual beauty! Yesterday when we picked the younger kids up from school, the rest of the village kids walked home with us and even tried to come into the gates...we had to tell them to go to their homes. They were so fascinated with our freckles and hair, though!

It has been a tough adjustment, being so far from home and everything comfortable...but God has really been at work in me and I trust He will continue to use each day to form my heart and I hope I can give all I have to these kids and this community each day.

Please continue to pray for me, and for this beautiful village I am apart of for 45 more days. May God's love be so real here...and with you at home!

One week until Kenya

I am sitting at home amazed that in one week I will be boarding a plane for Kenya. It is so amazing to look back at how this started as a tug on my heart, and now here I am packing my bags and taking care of last-minute details. There was a time when I did not think I could raise the money, get things together, and see this happen. I couldn't, but God has really shown up and amazed me yet again. The worst of it is over-I got my shots. Oh how I hate needles. I have also been gathering some clothing, mostly warm, because it is actually winter in Kenya right now. That is probably the thing i expected least! I have my itinerary, passport, insurance all together. I have had the wonderful opportunity to sit and talk with my family and share my heart with them. I have been able to visit friends and spend late summer nights with the boy I love. It has been a great couple of weeks as I have been preparing and try to seize every moment of life!
Last week, I had the opportunity to meet up with Jane, the founder of the orphange and also Kristine, a Kenyan women who serves as the administrator. My mom and I along with Sara and her mom were able to meet up with these ladies for lunch and hear all about Into Abbas Arms and some things that will probably shape our summer. I had to try so hard to hold back the tears as I heard stories of the children and their personalities. I heard about the other ministries IAA has such as giving out clean water to the community once a week and looking towards providing some better schooling for young kids of the orphange and community. As far as expectations, I have tried to keep them at a minimum. I truly want to embrace each day and experience what God has for me. I believe He placed this on my heart to continue shaping me and the way I live the rest of my life. I expect to fall in love with those children and their precious hearts such as these: Ruth and Jacob
I expect to miss summer a little. I expect to have days when I just can't stand being away from Nate and others. I expect to see gorgeous sights and know that God's hand is the reason for creation everywhere. I expect to love as much as possible even when it is difficult. I expect to be blown away by God's never-ending grace and commitment to me. I guess those are quite a few expectations, but I'm trying!
I wish there was a practical way to really show my appreciation for all the support I have received. Yeah I have sent thank-you letters and shared hugs. Yeah I have tried to keep others updated on what is going on, but I can't emphasize the beauty of other people as much as I would like to. I have had support and prayers from all over, and I know it will never cease. I have a wonderful family and friends who help me to stand tall and pursue dreams and callings. There is such beauty in the body of believers, and I have been reminded that very strongly lately. This week, I continue to pack, take care of things that need done for the summer, and pray for God's guiding hand in every step that I take. One week...wow.

A genesis week

As I have been preparing for Kenya, so many things have come across my heart. There are days when I'm really nervous...I am not seeing enough money for this to be possible, and wonder if I will. I hear stories that make me a little scared, and I wonder how God will change my life if this opportunity goes through.

There are days when I am so excited I don't know what to do. I am pumped about pursuing a dream and doing something out of the ordinary. I am expecting God to really take hold of my heart and continue shaping my passions to serve others. I see pictures of the kids or hear stories about them, and I can't wait to be apart of that. I believe that this trip is a calling from Him, and so I lay my own worries aside and trust in Him. The biggest blessing so far is having people's encouragement- through donations that are unexpected to the words in a card that were just needed that particular day....

The other night, a Psalm was really on my heart. Psalm 51. I have been using a NIV/Message side by side bible, and have really enjoyed being able to compare verses and ways of considering God's words to us. There are two lines in particular that have really grabbed my heart-
" God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. "

I wonder what it fully means to allow God to shape a Genesis week out of our chaos. For me, I think it has meant giving up my hurts, my doubts, my pains and letting God show His incredible powers and mercy as He makes something that is beautiful and good.

The other verse I have loved is-
"I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don't for a moment escape God's notice."

How wonderful it is to think that we learn how to worship God, how to be ready for love when our pride and hearts are shattered, torn, broken and ready to let Him take control.